Networking Mistakes That Are Killing Your Game (and How to Avoid Them)

This post was written by me but first appeared as a guest post on Career Contessa. Please head over and give the amazing women running that site some love.

There’s a not-so-secret secret to job hunting that a lot of people like to ignore: when it comes to your career, “pull” is just as important, if not more important, than “push.” In other words, who you know can be more important than what you know when you’re trying to land the position of your dreams.

I know this because my "pull" made all the difference when I was applying for my current position as a patent agent.

You see, on paper, I had the baseline qualifications for someone hoping to be a patent agent... but that was it. I was extremely young and inexperienced, and my resume reflected that. So, on paper, I was essentially the PB&J of job candidates: solid, but not a sandwich that'll make people go nuts (especially when you compared me to, say, a Nutella Marshmallow Fluff sandwich, who has ten extra degrees and five years of experience).

But I got the job anyway because I had one major advantage over the competition: I knew someone at my company who referred me for the position. While my education and experience certainly were important, I am positive that had it not been for my network, there would be some Nutella Fluff sitting at my desk today.

Of course, there is no one “right” way to network—but there definitely are some ineffective ways. So when it comes to something as important as your “pull,” you owe it to yourself to be as effective as possible, which means not making the following mistakes.

You only network when you need something.

The best—and simplest—networking advice I've heard is to remember that your network consists of real, live people. And as a real, live person yourself, how would you feel if the first thing a new acquaintance did was ask you for something? There's a reason telemarketers get such a bad rap.

It's important to begin networking long before you start your job search, and to build those critical relationships without asking for a job in return. That way, when it is time to reach out for help, you'll have a network of solid relationships to lean on.

You make job seeking the only focus.

Sure, networking is a great tool for job seekers, but remember that your professional network isn't only a collection of potential referrals.

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Who you know can be more important than what you know when you’re trying to land the position of your dreams.

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For example, I first contacted the woman who eventually referred me for my current position in order to ask her for an informational interview. Specifically, I reached out to her when I was first starting out so that I could learn more about the field, and to just get some objective advice. Sure, our relationship eventually led to an awesome opportunity, but that wasn't what it was built on; our connection was first and foremost based on our mentor/mentee relationship, which meant that it was infinitely stronger than if I had first reached out to her when I wanted a job.

Like the point above, it's important to remember that your network is made up of people, and that your relationships with those people can (and often should) be based on things other than simply job seeking. Whether you're asking for career advice or you’re helping someone else out with her career, the variety of relationships that make up your network will only make it stronger.

You forget the network you already have.

Going back to the woman who referred me for my current position, I met her through a mutual friend. You see, the first thing I did when I decided I wanted a career in patent law was to reach out to everyone I already knew to ask if they knew of anyone in the field.

Although it's fine to reach out to people you don't know, you'll only be doing yourself a favor if you also reach out to the network you already have—even if it's not a "professional" network! Sometimes friends, coaches, or family member know someone in your field and will be willing to introduce you. While there's still no guarantee that a friend's friend will be willing to talk to you, most people are a lot more likely to connect with someone who they know is definitely not a telemarketing ax killer.

You are afraid to follow up.

Once you've established a relationship with someone, make sure to keep the relationship alive. I mean, what good is potting a daisy if you then put it in your pantry next to your stale Cheerios from 2006? For the relationship or the daisy to be useful, you have to nurture it so it stays alive.

While it's important to avoid being annoying (i.e., don't email your contacts every other week), it's also important to keep in touch. It can be as simple as an email to update your contact on your career, or to ask your contact how her career is going. As long as you're genuine, a simple email every few months can make a world of difference.

tl;dr - networking mistakes to avoid Only reaching out to people to ask them for something Only viewing your connections as potential job referrals Forgetting that you already have a network, even if it's not a "professional" network Not following up with a connection on a semi-regular basis (and letting the relationship wilt like a daisy in the pantry)

But finally, what’s the biggest mistake you can possibly make when it comes to networking? You don’t do it at all. So get out there and get connecting! I promise it’ll be worth it.

Has networking played a role in your career? What advice would you add to this list?

Virtual Assistant

Samara T. "A Virtual Assistant (VA) comes alongside people such as business owners and bloggers, who are needing help with administration tasks or the "extra" tasks they do not have time for. A VA will manage social media pages, write posts, network with prospective clients for the business, create images, schedule posts, respond to comments, engage readers, and viewers, or handle administration tasks. Their job is to relieve business owners and bloggers with these "extra" tasks, giving them time to focus on expanding, connecting with clients, viewers, or other businesses, and put their attention towards growing their business."

Education

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Required License(s) None

Required Degree(s) None

Importance of GPA not very important

Samara's Highest Degree: Bachelor's degree
Samara's College Major: Events Coordination and Management
Samara's College GPA: 3.6-3.9

Salary

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There is no "typical" salary. It depends on you.

You can charge by the hour (typically $10-$25/hour depending on experience and tasks),  you can charge a fixed rate per month, or you can charge by task (e.g., per article or image), which would be considered contract work. 

Getting the Job

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How did you get your job?

I got my job by seeking out opportunity. I knew that this was what I wanted to do, and I sought out the jobs on my own. I contacted bloggers who I knew were bigger and would likely need help, and presented what I could offer them. Over time, after contacting enough people, I found my first client. Finding my first client led to finding my second client because it gave me more experience. What got me started was the desire to do something and willingness to not give up, even when I was turned down more times than I was accepted. Being an Events Coordinator really helped with this position. You have to be organized, good with people, and be able to manage many tasks. As a Virtual Assistant, you are often working for more than one client and have to balance many tasks and accounts. You need to manage your time to fit them all in, in one day. My previous experience really helped me with this, and also gave me the confidence I needed to reach out to people and network.

How important was networking to landing your position?

Extremely! The way you get positions like this is by networking with other bloggers and business owners. The field of "Virtual Assistants" is still a growing industry. Many business owners do not even realize this is a thing. The only way that I have gained clients is by networking with bloggers and business owners.

Life on the Job

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What is a typical day (or week) for you like?

This one is a hard one to explain. This is one job that I do, but it is not my main job. Most afternoons I spend in cafes doing my VA work and my own blogging work. I usually spend time scheduling social media content, researching, creating posts, networking, and promoting the bloggers work on different platforms. It is an incredibly flexible job, as I can do it from anywhere and all I need is the internet. If I have a really busy day with other responsibilities then I will catch up on my VA work in the evening. I also do not need to do it every day (although I do for the most part). I can schedule things to happen on days but not actually do it that day (e.g., social media posts). There is no day that looks the same, which makes it a fun job.

Does being a woman affect any aspect of your career?

No, it does not. You do not have to be a woman to do this.

What is the best thing about your job?

It is flexible. I can do it from anywhere since all I need is the internet. I have also learned so many things, gained a lot of experience, and connected with some wonderful people.

What is the worst thing about your job?

You do not always have enough work, and have to seek out more opportunity yourself. It is not a typical 9-5 job where you show up and get paid whether or not the day was very busy. I do not mind this aspect of the job, but it can be unpredictable at times (at least until you are well established with a couple good, reliable clients).

How demanding is your job?

It is not very demanding, but does take time. It is important to take time and do the job well, but it is not a job that will keep you up at night. (At least it shouldn't.)

Do you have any advancement opportunities?

Yes, I can advance, for example, by taking on more clients, establishing a business to help others find VA work, using my experience to connect bloggers/business owners with VAs, or training people who want to become a VA. At some point, I will definitely take the next step and expand this position. At this point, though, my focus is not fully my VA position because I am doing other things as well. When these other things end, I will take the next step, and further my career and position as a VA.

Advice for You

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What are the skills, characteristics, or talents that are most important to be effective in your position?

Being organized, creative, attentive, willing to learn, sociable, knowledgeable in social media, and blogging, knowledgeable in a few social media platforms and scheduling tools, and determination to not give up.

What advice would you give to someone thinking about pursuing a career like yours?

Often times I hear people say, "Well, I am not experienced enough and don't know what I have to offer." My response is this: if you have/had a blog, even if it is new, you have something to offer. You know how social media works and have at least a basic understanding of at least one blogging platform. The most important part of this job is the willingness to learn and research when you do not know the answer. I am learning all the time (new things, new programs, better ways to do things, etc.). And when I don't know something, I spend time with my trusty friend Google to find others who do know.

If you could do it over again, would you still pursue the same career?

Yes! If I could do it over again, I would pursue this first and would have skipped other things. Although those other positions in the past gave me more confidence to reach out to people and network effectively, I would have much rather started with this from the beginning.

Follow Up

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Want to learn more? Check out Samara's site here. Want to read later? Pin me -->

Who People Are Hiring over Millennials—and What We Can Learn from It

Remember when I told you that some employers think Millennials are so valuable, they're willing to pay "Millennial experts" $20,000 an hour for "generational consulting"?

Well, it turns out not everyone feels the same way.

Enter Gwen Wunderlich and Dara Kaplan, co-founders of Wunderlich Kaplan Communications (a Manhattan-based PR company) and avid fans of the movie “The Intern.” (You know, the one where Robert de Niro interns at a fashion site run by Anne Hathaway.)

Actually, Wunderlich and Kaplan loved "The Intern" so much, they decided to bring it to life.

And I mean that literally. This summer, Wunderlich and Kaplan are launching their first ever paid "Enternship," an internship for women who are over 40 and who "have either been bought out of their companies, chose to jump the corporate ship, or just looking to change careers or otherwise break back into the workforce."

This six week program—where women will learn how to create PR campaigns, plan events, write pitches and press releases, conduct research for clients, and more—is an all-around win for women. Although the program pays the typical intern salary (i.e., minimum wage), it's geared to help women with their somewhat unique career issues, such as re-entering the workforce after having taken a break to care for their children.

(Of course, not all women are the ones putting their careers on hold.)

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This six week program is geared to help women with their somewhat unique career issues, such as re-entering the workforce after having taken a break to care for their children.

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But while Wunderlich and Kaplan's idea is promising for women, the pair also has another motive that Millennials, in particular, should pay attention to. You see, a huge reason they're looking for older interns instead of younger ones is, well, they just aren't thrilled with what Millennials are offering.

According to Wunderlich and Kaplan, the real life experience older generations have means a lot. In fact, according to Wunderlich, "You need to know certain things, whether it's history or just about PR, and there’s no real world experience [with Millennials]. With some of the things that young people say to me, I’d rather have a woman who raised four kids, managed a household. She knows how to run an office."

And Kaplan seems even more critical. According to her, "You’d be surprised, at the lack of [younger generation's] interpersonal social skills. They don’t know the real value of getting off the phone and beyond a computer screen."

Now, does this mean Millennials should pack up and try again in a few decades? Of course not.

But there is something here Millennials can learn about what people find valuable in an employee—things we can all focus on to make the best out of our careers.

1. Get creative with your work experience.

Experience is important for landing a job. But you already knew that.

What you may not have realized, though, is that managers don't just value "relevent" job experience.

In this case, Wunderlich and Kaplan find mothers in their 40's so valuable not because of their years of PR experience, but because of their experience in the household. (I mean, if anyone knows how to juggle responsibilities and get sh*t done, it's mothers.)

Of course, no one's saying to start having babies to bolster your resume. Instead, keep in mind that any experience that strengthens your transferable skills—skills like communication and time management that are useful in any field—can be a game changer.

No one's saying to start having babies to bolster your resume. (But here are some things Millennials can do.) (Click to tweet.)

And you can get these types of experiences almost anywhere. For example, you can start volunteering or interning. If you already have a job, maybe consider volunteering for a new role within your current company. (For example, when I worked in a research lab, I also volunteered to write for the research center's online publication to get science writing experience.) Even things a little more outside the box—like online classes, certifications, or even managing your own Kickstarter project—will set you apart from the crowd who has no outside experience at all.

2. Do your research

One thing that Wunderlich thinks Millennials lack is real life knowledge, whether it's "about history or just about PR."

Of course, there is some knowledge you can only get with age. (For example, I'm convinced it takes at least 50 years of life experience to be able to fold a fitted sheet.)

But this doesn't mean you have to sit back and wait for the wisdom to come to you. If Millennials want to be more competitive with older generations who have been learning for years, it's going to take a lot of hard work and a lot more research.

So, start researching.

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"You’d be surprised, at the lack of [younger generation's] interpersonal social skills. They don’t know the real value of getting off the phone and beyond a computer screen."

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This might include things like subscribing to publications relevant to your field. (ForbesWomen and U.S. News Careers are both favorites on my Bloglovin' feed.) If you're looking for a job at a specific company, another way to stay informed is by researching that company's competitors. (If you don't know their competitors, try looking at the "People also viewed" column on the company's LinkedIn page.)

While this research may not be a substitute for the real life experience that comes with age, you will at least be knowledgeable enough to hold your own at a job interview or networking happy hour—something that will definitely set you apart from the crowd.

3. Stop using "LinkedIn" as another word for "networking."

According to Kaplan, Millennials aren't exactly killing it with their interpersonal social skills.

Now, this obviously doesn't apply to all Millennials. But even the best of us have probably become used to relying on some sort of screen for communication—whether it's through Twitter, text, or email. It's the world we live in, after all.

A final point we can take away from Wunderlich and Kaplan is that networking doesn't just mean updating your LinkedIn profile. Sometimes, face-to-face contact can make a world of difference.

So the next time you're thinking of contacting your mentor, maybe suggest a lunch date instead of a phone call. Or maybe it's time to finally attend one of those Meetups or networking events you've been meaning to attend.

If nothing else, it will help you get more comfortable communicating professionally without the help of emojis.

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Of course, just because a pair of New Yorkers might prefer older generations to younger ones doesn't mean Millennials don't have a lot to offer. In fact, one (older) manager I know told me that he wished he could only hire people in their twenties and thirties; he loves the younger generation's enthusiasm and adaptability.

The important point here is to realize that we all can be continually improving ourselves and can always continue learning.

Because everyone, regardless of their age, can teach us something about our careers—and that includes 45 year old Karen, whose twins just graduated from eighth grade.

What generation are you from? Do you have any advice for other generations?